How to Be Kinkier: More Adventures in Adult Playtime Read online

  Facing Page: RAWR! Kitty wants to play!

  A julienned slice of ginger can be slid down the urethra for an eye opening experience. Leave a bulb on the end so it doesn’t disappear.

  1 When you shine up a latex outfit, you can use the super expensive latex shine they sell… 2 or you can use a silicone based lube. 3 The main thing is you get to rub them alllllll over while putting it on! 4 All shined up and ready for action!

  Yes you can go swimming in your latex and look fabulous doing it!

  Having a removable cracker on your single tail whip will ensure that you use a new cracker for each new partner and that will limit cross contamination.

  If you’re going to pursue a modeling career, you have to take care of yourself: eat right, work out, do yoga, get a good night’s sleep. This is all advice you would expect to get from your mom, right? But it plays a key role in your longevity as a fetish model. This type of work can be physically demanding and mentally taxing, coupled with being a nomad, living out of your suitcase and coordinating travel. It’s also true that fetish porn conventions like FetishCon are a hell of a lot of fun. The parties are truly legendary. And it is important to blow off steam once in a while; have fun and party, but make it the exception, not the rule. I have seen some wonderful models over the years wind up getting washed out of the bottom of the industry because they started the partying lifestyle and just kept up long after they should have taken a break and taken care of themselves. One of my favorite models in the industry, Wenona, is extremely professional, does yoga daily, works out, watches her diet, is well read and goes to conventions to work, and is in bed by 11:00 p.m. Doesn’t sound like a sexy lifestyle does it? But she has been doing it for eight years and takes such good care of herself that she expects do to it for at least another ten. That is a professional attitude that producers and directors will respect and like working with.

  Lets take a look at what you do once you have enough images stocked away; how do you get exposure? Thankfully the Internet can assist in a big way. There are great sites online that are devoted to helping models find work, such as modelmayhem.com—both vanilla modeling and fetish and kink and other adult modeling. You can also find a community of photographers on social networking sites such as fetlife.com and, to a certain extent, on vanilla social networking sites. Be forewarned, though, some of the more vanilla social networking sites are quite draconian about removing any adult-related material that you might be used to in the fetish modeling world. A close friend of mine, Maxine X, continually has to recreate her profiles on those vanilla sites since her profile and images keep getting deleted by the admin. It is like a cat and mouse game for her business. However, in terms of exposure, these three sites will get you an audience that is much larger than what would traditionally be accomplished the old-school way. Once you get your images, creating a profile is as easy as posting your pictures online. Consistency is important once you create a profile; keep the content in several profiles similar so that if someone is looking for the next big thing, i.e., you, they have more than one chance of finding and contacting you. Nothing is more frustrating for a photographer or production company than to have glimpsed someone who would be perfect for a shoot and then not be able to find them again.

  A service oriented submissive’s desire to serve shouldn’t be confused with someone who wants to be taken advantage of.

  Your Own Webpage

  I also recommend that once you get response from the social networking sites, you create a webpage for yourself. It doesn’t have to be super slick and fancy. Let the porn companies worry about those issues with their own content—banners and pop-ups and the like. There are so many templates available and domain and hosting fees are so incredibly low, there’s no reason not to do it. Your site should be easy to navigate and demonstrate a wide variety of poses and the looks you are capable of. What it shouldn’t contain is annoying music, pop-ups or a url that isn’t simple to understand and remember. You want production companies to be able to remember your name and contact you easily, so come up with something that will stay at the forefront of their mind and they can easily remember. A long time ago I knew a pro domme who had a great little business and was doing very well. Then out of the blue she decided that a name change would be just the right thing for her. For some reason she decided to pick a symbol as her new name, a symbol that didn’t have an easily pronounced word version—sort of like when Prince changed his name to a symbol and everyone had to refer to him as The Artist Formerly Known As Prince. She changed her webpage and her content and her advertising to this new symbol and when people did call her for work, they didn’t even know how to address her since her new name was a symbol. What do you think happened to her business? Yep, it dried up and she is long gone…and mostly forgotten.

  Keep your url easy to remember. RubberChick.com is much easier to remember than bitchgoddessvanessadesimone.com.

  Both model and photographer should feel satisfied with and proud of the work they’ve done.

  Doggie style makes it easy to change holes depending on your mood!

  Safe and Bound

  A key issue for any model, established or just starting out in the industry, is safety. There will be times when you will be bound and gagged and unable to speak in a clear way. You need to know the parameters and expectations of the shoot and what your employers are willing to do to ensure that you are safe. How knowledgeable are they? How safe are they? Finding other models that have worked with them is key. Ask them for references or find out if they have a website on which you can see their content. Ask them blunt questions; there should be no surprises about what is going to happen once the shoot gets underway. If you are not expecting to be penetrated and it suddenly comes up that “this is what we are doing next,” and you are bound and gagged, you will be in a much more difficult position to get out of than if you had previously negotiated. You should also be forthcoming about any health issues that could come up as a result of the shoot: Old torn rotator cuff? Asthma? The producer needs to know your limitations and concerns so that he or she can produce hot and sexy content form which you both walk away happy. You are going to trust this person to keep you safe through the shoot and trust is a two-way street. You will have your limits pushed and boundaries tested; this is part of what attracts us to this work. You have to be able to be tested in a good way without having a mental collapse. Limits can be sexual, or regarding pain or bondage. You might enjoy hardcore flogging and whipping but once you get tied up, you get claustrophobic. Ideally, shoots can be super fun and enjoyable! Everyone’s limits are different and you need to know yours and where your line is. If a producer wants you to push way past your boundaries and you are not comfortable with that, don’t do it. It is easier to recover if you go slow when you are starting out, than if you go too far too fast. What matters most at the end of the day is that when the shoot is finished, you not only feel good about the work you have done but you are proud of yourself for what you accomplished.

  Afterward

  You had a great shoot and you are still feeling the endorphins. What do you want to do to decompress? Go running? Spend time with a friend? Get your magic wand out and masturbate like a banshee? You need to take time afterward to discharge the energy you built up over the shoot. You can pamper yourself: spending time in a bath of epsom salts will do wonders at soothing aching muscles. If you have done a lot of percussion play, you would do well to apply Traumeel (a topical ointment) that will reduce bruising. When juggling shoots, you have to keep your schedule in mind when agreeing to certain activities. Can you schedule a caning video for the end of the week, while you do the bondage footage in the beginning? That way you won’t have bruising through the other work and can take a few days to heal before starting your next week’s work. Production companies will be sensitive to this request if you explain how your schedule is shaping up. No one wants you to come to a sexy silk stocking video shoot if your butt looks like hamburger because of the bullwh
ip work you did the day before. You must take care of yourself so that you can continue to do this work on a long-term basis without burning out and compromising your boundaries.

  Facing Page: Imagine the look on your grandchildren’s faces when you show them what Nanny used to do for a living!

  There is nothing more beautiful than a vulnerable bottom clad in rope.

  Aftercare is even more important following humiliation play than a straight up beating, because of the emotional overload involved.

  Being a pro comes with its challenges but also has a lot of rewards, and whether you’re organizing big events, working as a fetish photographer or building a career as a fetish model, you are going to be faced with unique and interesting challenges that will require you to be open, honest and respectful to your colleagues and other professionals in the industry. At times it will feel like you are juggling too many balls in the air but starting out on a manageable level and growing at a pace that you are comfortable with will reap you great rewards and help your longevity in the adult fetish world. The challenges can deflate you at times but remember, the only sled dog with a decent view is the one in the front.

  Five Key Points for Longevity as a Pro in the Kinky World:

  Create a fetish event where the theme complements rather than competes with other events

  Be respectful of people who don’t want to be photographed

  Own your own URL, don’t let someone else buy it and develop it for you

  As a model, take care of yourself physically and emotionally: know what you need to do after a shoot to regain your personal balance

  As a photographer, respect the models and discuss what you want to shoot long before you actually get them in front of the camera

  Chapter Ten

  * * *

  And Finally…

  After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box

  —Italian Proverb

  I have noticed, in the kinky lifestyle, that just when I think I have seen it all, along comes something new. Innovation is always leading the way in BDSM; people into kinky sex are super-creative motherfuckers; some of the creativity I have seen over the years merits an engineering award. Sometimes I wonder if being in the scene makes you more creative, or if the more creative types of personalities are just naturally drawn to the scene. There is definitely a level of innovation in kinky sex that is lacking elsewhere in interpersonal relationships.

  My hope is that in this book I will have introduced readers to some topics that have never been covered in other publications. Certain of these activities can be very edgy and risky, but making knowledge available is the best way to ensure that people have a good chance of playing without getting hurt or hurting someone else. Educating yourself about these activities and situations also means taking responsibility for engaging in them. Only you can protect yourself. A lot of what we do is risky. People have been indulging in kinky erotic play from time immemorial; there is nothing new about spanking or whipping other individuals or tying them up and having your way with them. HOW you do it makes it your own. There is nothing new under the sun except for how you do it.

  The higher the risk, the hotter kinky play is for some people. After all people skydive and rock climb and go shoe shopping at the mall during Christmas because they love a good rush. Other people get the same thrill through kinky sex. You know that point where time stretches out infinitely, when the noise of the outside world falls away and your entire world becomes just you and your partner? You could be in a crowded dungeon or pushing your lover up against the wall in a back alley barely out of sight of the passing pedestrians, kissing her and twisting her nipples, while her high heels scrape across the pavement as she tries to keep her ragged moan of desire half buried in her throat. It is in such moments of sexual abandonment that I hope having read this book will help you to do whatever you want to do, more safely. We want to play over and over again with trust building, not crumbling, and the only way you can do that is by openly communicating with your partner and building upon your knowledge and personal education. Some people say that higher risk leads to more reckless activities. I disagree. I believe that with compassion and empathy, we can explore harder edge play with eyes wide open and an understanding and acceptance of responsibility that comes with it. As sexual renegades we are constantly pushing the boundaries of ourselves and our partners, at the same time seeking a greater understanding of who we are and how we fit into our world.

  Facing Page: Inspect and appraise your slave daily.

  It’s very easy to fall in love with a beautifully made flogger.

  Care, compassion and respect: three simple words, easy to remember, but in the ego-gratifying world of kinky sex, quickly forgotten in the heat of the moment. That is what gives trust its value—that it determinedly rides along a hurricane of desire. I have always advised that when presented with something you aren’t interested in but that your partner really wants, be open minded and give it a chance, as long as you don’t compromise your own safety or security. There are times when you can make concessions and times when you need to stand firm. You might discover something you never knew you liked until you tried it!

  Facing Page: Star Trek would have been much more interesting if they’d used dildo guns.

  With a few toys and a dirty mind, you can find yourself anywhere with a kinky lifestyle.

  When making and using an ice dildo, make sure you double up the condom on it or else you will have one very unhappy submissive and one hell of a “fishing trip” story on your hands.

  Compassion is what sets us apart from the psychotic; also empathy and care. We all run into people in the scene who are in it for all the wrong reasons and they typically crash and burn, but not before hurting a few genuine people who are good for the community. It is essential that we in the kinky community communicate openly so that this behavior isn’t accepted. The key people to learn from are those who have years in the scene; the ones who have stood the test of time and continued to put together munches, workshops, conferences and fetish nights; the ones who work tirelessly to make sure that YOU have the best chance to enjoy yourself safely and happily in the community. Ask about them; their reputations should precede them. After all, once you strip away all the leather and latex and kinky restraints and other masks of the fantastic, whether you are in a 24/7 M/s relationship or just like to explore on the weekends, all we have left is our character and reputation. Guard yours and strengthen it and surround yourself with others who do the same.

  Improvised nipple clamps can be made out of almost anything as long as you have a creative mind.

  The joy of raw sexuality is that the participants are stripped down to their primal essence with no pretense and no masking of who they are. You can leave behind your work world, your soccer mom or fixer role. This is one of the last bastions of personal freedom in our society, where we can truly let go and vulnerably expose our desires in the sexual realm and revel in that. Above everything else, let’s not forget the joy that we experience. Some speak of the spiritual journey that kinky sex can take them on; others seek transcendence through whips, floggers and technical expertise, but most important is the joy of exploration with a partner you care about. Without that sense of joy in the exploration of body and soul and connection with your partner, kinky play can never be as fulfilling. Your sexuality is one of the most precious things you have; make positive choices about whom you share and explore it with.