How to Be Kinkier: More Adventures in Adult Playtime Page 17
—Craiger, SubSpace Fetish Night organizer, Toronto
Facing Page: Don’t be afraid to take the leading role.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Squeeze your slaves nipples hard enough and they will cry delicious tears for you.
1 My friends at Kink Engineering have created a long latex glove with no thumb or fingers, just for fisting. 2 Have your slave lay back on something comfortable and relax. There is no need to rush. 3 Use tons of lube. When in doubt, use more. Get the glove or your hand all wet and sloppy. 4 You can even warm them up with their favorite vibrator. Get them purring and their pussy or ass will relax to be more receptive to your hand.
5 This glove makes it super easy to assume the proper hand position, but you don’t have to have one. Take your fingers and fold all of them together to form a point. Tuck the thumb as you get closer to inserting it. 6 Take your time with the romance during fisting; slowly work your fingers in. When first penetrating, I always let the slave tell me when they are ready for more or for when they need me to hold still so they can relax until their body can get used to this new sensation. You can’t rush into this, if you don’t have the time to devote to a great session then find something else to do and come back to it.
7 Slide it in more and more, gently twisting side to side. Think of yourself as “easing” into them rather than “pushing”. The look on your slave’s face should be like our lovely model here. If it isn’t or is twisted and pained, you are going WAY too fast. This should be a sensual experience. Let them help guide you to the speed and depth. I have wide hands so getting past the saddle of my thumb is difficult so I never get past that and that is fine for me and my partners. For women or people with smaller hands you should be able to slip all the way in. Once you are in, please resist the urge to do any Muppet voices, no matter how tempting! 8 If you are doing it right and they are comfortable and relaxed, you can have them change positions gently. Face down and ass up is a powerfully submissive position. Some slaves love it when you do the in and out movement, some like the gentle twisting movement and still some just want you to be still so they can clench their internal muscles around you. For the Dominant it will feel like the tightest glove you have ever worn and if you remain still you may be able to feel their heartbeat. THAT is intimate.
9 Slow and steady and if you take your time there won’t be any chance of tearing. Same with asses—go slow and work up to it. It isn’t a race, its a sensual moment between two people. 10 If you are adventurous and experienced you can invite your friend for Double Penetration Fisting!
11 Why thank you Mr. Hand Model, I do believe the girls could use some more lube! 12 Use lots of lube; don’t be shy! 13 If you are an experienced bottom with fisting and you can take it, having a hand in your vagina is sensual but having another one in your ass at the same time is exquisitely off the chart!
14 Have the person who is in the vagina stay there and remain still. Then start by gently working your fingers into the slave’s bum. You HAVE to go slow; there isn’t a lot of room in there. 15 As you work your way up and inside their ass, the slave may find they have to shift their position to accommodate “what all is going on back there”. They may need to lift up their chest and for people who can experience orgasms from fisting this will be nirvana for them. Let them pick the best position for their enjoyment.
As well as the ends from balloons, o-rings for piercings can make great nipple rings.
There is enough room for all in the scene—there is no reason to compete directly and attempt to steal others’ participants. Think about what you want to offer—a munch, a monthly play party, a rave, a fun private party—and don’t step on established toes. Take a look at the kink schedule for your city and arrange your event so that it does not directly compete with another. Then consider your target audience and the theme. Some organizers may want to put together an invite-only party for twenty of their closest friends and others might want to throw a two hundred–two thousand person bash. If you build it, they will come; it’s all about giving back to the community and nurturing it. My own experience as an event organizer is as widely varied as my interests in kinky sex. I have run large pony play parties on private farms; organized and run workshops for international presenters, have organized munches and assisted others in running their own events, and performed at more than I can remember.
If you don’t want to be the leader, you can help by volunteering your time and sweat. Everyone remembers help, such as picking up and delivering equipment, organizing food and water or even helping at the door. If you are an event organizer or aspire to be, initially volunteer your time at other fetish nights and let the organizers know you are thinking of offering up an alternative to what is currently on offer in your city. Be sincere about your help, ask them questions and make sure you are not just there to promote your event and scoop their audience. That is called “skating on someone else’s event” and is very much frowned upon. Being respectful and helpful and spending time in your community before you try to organize an event will help build your reputation and show the established people that you are there to complement, not complicate, the events that already exist. When you have decided you are going to be the leader and are putting it all together for the first time, remember that the delegation of duties is important but no one should ever delegate something they are not willing to do themselves. Lead from the front and by example. You should be willing to schlep equipment from venue to venue, stack cases of water, or figure out where the DJ should set up, and not just ask someone else to do it. Still, we can’t do it all, and this is particularly important lesson to learn if you are a Dominant. We like to think we can do it all, and that everything relies on us. But there are people who want to help, and it is important to tap those resources available to you. A bit of advice that has always shaped my events over the years was given to me years ago by my mentor: “After a party, a good leader has people saying, ‘Boy he put on a great party!’ and a GREAT leader has people saying, ‘Boy WE put on a great party!’ afterward.” Let people feel they are a part of something larger than themselves, lead by example, and you will find that you have many people willing to help. Some of the benefits of organizing your own event are:
You get to throw the party you want
You get to invite the people you want
You get to create an environment that is positive and welcoming
You can have a lot of fun!
Facing Page: Sensory deprivation can be as simple as a blindfold and earphones.
Pigtails make excellent handles.
Of course there are some downsides to organizing an event yourself, and the largest one is, again, “the host works the most.” You will be so busy setting up the event and helping organize things and keeping the flow going that you most likely will not even have a chance to play that night. I volunteer or just attend someone else’s party for the fun times, and when I have my own event I know I will be working my ass off and won’t usually have much time for play, if at all. Helping at others’ parties keeps you active and engaged with the other people organizing events in your city. A little face time with other organizers and some appropriate compliments will go a long way. We are all in this together; we should all want to help each other, otherwise the scene will eat itself due to competition and that is never pretty and leads to a fragmented community.
Bound for Glory
As an organizer of events, you will find that eventually the media will come knocking on your door when they need a sound bite—a small quote that will frame a piece on kinky sex they are working on. Your local and national media outlets are forever curious about our scene and some will want to present it in a sensational light, while others may want to present it with sincerity. My biggest question when I am approached to give a quote or sound bite is, “How is this going to be used and what is your intent as a broadcaster?” I only give sound bites or assistance to TV shows like “Sex Matters” if they d
emonstrate that they are going to present our scene in a positive light and not make it into an episode of Jerry Springer. They will need you to sign a release form, typically ahead of time before the interview or just after, and always before they edit it. If you suspect they are going to reframe your words in a light that is not positive, then you should refuse to sign away the rights for it or better yet decline the interview. Be careful what you are signing. Once you are on camera and have signed the release form they can do whatever they want with it and it is theirs forever. Choose your words carefully; the scene needs positive exposure, not a “Gong Show.” It can be a reciprocal relationship. My recent experience with a documentary film crew making Comfortable? I Can Fix That…, a film on the rope bondage scene in Toronto, led the producer and director and myself through meeting after meeting as I outlined my concerns about the presentation of the final product. What would his angle be? How were they planning on editing it all together, and who would the final audience be? After alleviating all my concerns and demonstrating their sincerity in presenting the rope bondage scene in a positive light, I went ahead and cooperated and they shot it and I was able to introduce the production people to many, many more people in the scene that were perfect for the documentary than they would have been able to meet, being outsiders. The film is now shown at short documentary film festivals around the world. We got exposure in a positive way and they got access to the scene because they were respectful and sincere—a win-win situation for both of us!
1 Slipping out of your latex after a hard night of partying is easy in the shower. 2 Get all wet and use a mild soap. 3 Soap yourself allllllll over, you want the soap to run under the latex.
4 It will slip right down your arms… 5 and off. 6 Then wriggle it down over your hips.
7 Oooh yeah, keep on wriggling! 8 Let the soap and water slip it off, there is no need to tug. 9 Then pull the rest up and over your head. 10 Hang each piece on a separate hanger. 11 Only use plastic hangers, not wood or metal.
The life of a fetish model is a lot of things, but it is never dull.
Crying is not a safe word.
Smile…
Speaking of cameras, as an organizer you are always going to need to set a camera policy for your event. This can be addressed by having a sign and policy that says, NO CAMERAS TONIGHT, PLEASE or CAMERAS ARE ALL RIGHT IF THE SHOT DOESN’T INCLUDE ANYONE OTHER THAN YOUR PARTNER at events, or distributing different-colored wristbands to the attendees. People who wear the blue wristbands are camera shy, while the ones wearing yellow are camera sluts and are happy to be photographed. By having this policy explained in a smiling, courteous and respectful manner at the door, we are ALL made responsible; it gives reassurance to others who will be attending who’ll be happy to alert the PM or organizer if they see someone breaching the policy. Lots of us don’t want to be photographed and the rest of us are going to respect those boundaries. Most of us are probably more open about photos while we are playing at home, knowing that we have control of the pictures. Some people love being exhibitionists for the camera: it turns them on and excites them. For those people, with time and the flexibility to travel, there is a way to make a living at being a fetish model in the professional world of the fetish adult market.
The day after a harsh spanking will give your slave the chance to relive the scene every time they sit down.
Nurse, Flight Attendant…Fetish Model?
This is a career that is not in the high school career development curriculum! It involves a living out of a suitcase, traveling to new cities every week, shooting new and interesting content and having to navigate between the slippery worlds of producers who are established and well known and some guy with a camera who wants to film you putting on opera-length gloves for an hour. It can be exciting and unique but also exhausting, with all the travel. The rewards are great—travel, meeting and working with interesting people and making good money doing something you probably would have done for free just because you are interested in kink to begin with.
My career as a fetish model began somewhat by coincidence. I wanted to know if I could do it and more importantly, what it would be like? Five years later, I have discovered that I enjoy fetish modeling—the feeling of ropes on my skin, the delight of restraint and powerlessness, the surge of pain coupled with the pleasure that comes immediately afterward. The sensations are intense and raw and each shoot has taught me something about myself. I have learned not only what I like but what I can handle. BDSM has often been criticized by feminists and others who feel that a disempowered woman is a complicated notion. For me, engaging in BDSM has been contrary to those critiques. When I am shooting or playing, I feel completely empowered to give over control and instead focus on my own sexual pleasure and chaotic mind. When my sexual power is in the hands of someone else, I find I am alone with myself and my sensations. I can relax into the enjoyment of the moment and what I am feeling. I may not be able to move, may only be able to grunt or drool, but I am more able than ever to touch my pleasure, to get inside the pain and become galvanized by going through it and seeing how strong I am. I have always felt very strongly that a woman should be able to determine what is hot for her.
—Dylan Ryan, fetish actress
Facing Page: Your slave can come in handy in many ways!
Adding a little hair bondage will always make kinky sex more interesting.
Becoming a fetish model is a consuming process that requires timing, an open mind, discipline, and the ability to think outside the box. There is nothing conventional about the career of a fetish model. One day you might find yourself tied snuggly in a rope bondage harness and another day you might find yourself rubbing balloons over yourself while you are dressed as a kitty cat. The work is diverse and unique; after all, it caters to the wide gamut of fetishes. If you feel you simply cannot take on a photo shoot job where you will have your shoes licked by an actor lying on the floor wrapped like a burrito in a shower curtain, then this is not the job for you. There is nothing conventional about the shoots you will do, but therein lies their strength. Because the work is unique and no day is the same as the last, you will constantly be stimulated and engaged. There is a constant debate as to whether or not you should be allowed to bring an escort to a shoot. My own guidelines for a shoot are that a model can bring an escort if that person is going to remain in the background and be unobtrusive. There is nothing worse than a grumpy boyfriend standing in the background and constantly challenging a shoot or trying to direct his girlfriend who is trying to get her fetish modeling career started. I won’t work under those circumstances. Keep in mind I have worked to maintain a reputation for being a fun, respectful photographer and one that models feel safe around. It is a reputation I have built one model at a time and I cherish the trust they put in me. Keep this in mind during your own career trajectory. Not all of my models bring escorts; ones I have worked with for a long time or those that I know very well usually show up for a shoot with all their suitcases jam packed with outfits and equipment and with no escort in sight. I find, for myself as a photographer, if I welcome the escorts for the first several sessions, it becomes easier to manage their presence as the work and sessions evolve. Conversely, if you are a model going to your first shoot and the photographer says, “No escorts”—trust the feeling in your tummy. If it doesn’t add up, then politely and respectfully decline the offer to shoot. You don’t have to be bitchy and rude. A simple “I understand where you are coming from, but at this point, just starting out, I would feel more comfortable bringing my escort. Perhaps in the future we can work together but for now, I think we should postpone this,” does a few things for you. It
Establishes your boundaries of needing an escort
Shows you are polite and respectful and above all else, professional
Demonstrates you are not closed to working together in the future, just not right now
A good fetish model needs to be in shape both physically and mentally.
Pop rocks are a fun addition to any blowjob!
Getting Started
The first thing you are going to need to do is to build your portfolio. This is a time in a model’s career that will bring you into contact with unknown photographers and other models. It is also a time of low pay, if you’re paid at all—the “TFP” time of your career. TFP stands for “Trade for Pics.” As you build your portfolio, you will be asked by photographers, especially new ones, to enter into this symbiotic relationship with them where you shoot for free with them in exchange for the images you will mutually share. It is where all of us in the industry start. This can be a time of immense growth and some incredibly creative work, when you are both exploring the possibilities of fetish photography and video work. My own career as a fetish photographer began with me shooting my friends. I would ask them to come get all dressed up and we would spend an afternoon or evening shooting outside on location: behind Dumpsters, near industrial lofts, in dingy alleyways and abandoned buildings or even in soybean fields. The images I created back then were raw, edgy and interesting in their somewhat primitive technical way. I started shooting with a 1.3 megapixel camera. That was cutting edge in the handheld, point-and-shoot camera world circa 2001. I would take my camera along on hikes through forests with my models, exploring composition and lighting and figuring out the logistics of trying to tie up a model and photograph her all at the same time. It was hard work doing all the rope bondage and shooting at the same time, but there was something magical about those days—I was unencumbered, traveling fast and light. My images were good; I had been to art school and had a strong fundamental foundation in composition and lighting. But this isn’t to say you need to go to art school before you start shooting—in fact you should just start shooting and doing your own research. My initial work brought me notice from the various professional dungeons around the city when they needed to have promotional pictures of their employees and facilities shot. This in turn led to me meeting more people who were filming fetish video work and my business and exposure increasing until I was having art gallery shows and getting a few books under my belt. Being a fetish photographer is its own book; here we’re concentrating more on the modeling side of the equation. But I can’t mention one without at least touching on the other. If you are a beginning photographer, you have to understand that the models exist to work professionally with us. Be respectful and courteous. Make sure the intent and focus of the shoot is explained in detail before you both agree to shoot and whether or not there is to be any compensation—cash or TFP. Your reputation as a photographer is dependant on the models. If you are known as someone who is just in the industry to get laid, then word will travel fast and no one will shoot with you. There should be no surprises about the subject matter at the shoot. If you want to be a respected photographer, it pays to discuss the content of the shoot before the day arrives when you are to work together. Don’t let the model show up and spring, “Oh, by the way, after we do the pinup stuff, I was thinking that we could do some really intimate things to you with this basket of garden vegetables while you’re wearing rubber boots.” That is really uncool. Your work shouldn’t be surprising to them. There are parts of a shoot that will go in a different direction as you both get inspiration during it; that is part of the creative process. But you should both have a general outline of what is going to happen and what the agreed upon boundaries are. On the other hand, if you are respectful, fun and professional to work with, you will have many doors open to you as models tell other models about how great you are to work with.