How to Be Kinkier: More Adventures in Adult Playtime Read online

  Facing Page: Everyone loves to be at the mercy of a sexy Top with a flogger.

  Men are visual creatures. They need to be shown. Take your dildo or favorite sex toy and show them what you like and how you like it.

  It is important to exercise the area the next day. If you are the submissive and your thighs and ass are all bruised, you really do need to be up and moving around the day after: movement will cause the blood to circulate through the bruised area and help speed up the healing process. In addition to basic first aid, there are also topical creams available that will help speed up the healing. My favorite two that are readily available are Arnica cream or an over-the-counter ointment called Traumeel, applied approximately two to three times a day. Most importantly, wait until the area is fully healed before playing hard on that area again.

  Rope bondage aficionados will experience a different form of bruising, one that results from compression of the rope on the body and will happen sometimes after a hard and rough rope scene. You may notice red dots under the skin, right around the area that was tied hard. These are called Petechiae, and if caused from rope play, this isn’t any greater a concern than regular bruising. The blood has leaked from the capillaries into the skin and the spots are quite tiny—about one to three millimeters—and don’t change color when you press on them. Treat them as you would any regular bruise: use some Arnica cream on them and they will disappear in a few days. If they appear not as a result of hard play, then you need to seek professional medical advice since they could be indicators of a more serious condition.

  People who have tattoos and who like to be played with hard may be concerned that bruising will affect their tattoo. I have done research into this subject and at this point I can say that a first- or second-degree bruise won’t affect a tattoo since the ink is inside your skin. I can’t speak for a third-degree bruise, but I would imagine that if your body is in that much trauma, a tattoo should be the least of your concerns.

  With rope bondage, your only limit is your own imagination.

  Rope Bondage: Safe and Spectacular

  There is something so very sexy and transcendent about tying up your lovers, or wrestling with them and then hog-tying them. I have had the opportunity to tie and lash many wonderful people over the years, experiences that have added to my personal growth as a Dominant and as an artist. My friends the Knotty Boys have written several useful books on rope bondage, both how to do it and how to make the knots pretty, and I highly encourage you to pick up their books and see what is in them for yourself. For the purposes of this chapter I am going to go over some safety tips and tricks you should be aware of that will help round out your own evolution as a rope bondage aficionado.

  Picture this: the stage is set in a downtown club; a suspension cube and rigging points are set up and I lead my performance partner out onstage with the rope leash pulling her along on all fours. The stage is dark, but my fingers are deft and quickly pull my ropes through the suspension ring, and soon I have her dangling and swinging before the crowd. I spin and twirl her, swaying her back and forth under the purple and neon lights in rhythm to the music, and when finished, I lower her to the ground in a delicious heap before pulling her offstage. This is what the audience sees. What they don’t see is all the prep work I have done ahead of time. I have pre-tied her hip harness that is the same color as her outfit so that it blends into the background. I have coiled my ropes so they will unspool with a simple shake, and I have them placed on a small table near the suspension rig so I can grab them as I need them, all arranged in a specific order from shortest to longest. I am methodical in my approach to safety: my safety shears are tucked in my back pocket and my carabineers have their gates opened and are clipped to the front of my pants pockets. My bootlaces are tied tight; I have tucked in my pant cuffs because I know once I start tying and the rope is flying there are a multitude of unknown variables that can creep up and try to snag my rope and spoil the performance—perhaps an exposed bolt on the rig by the DJ table or a snag in the wooden floor of the stage. Then as my rope is put on and layered, there is a definite tripping hazard as it winds and attempts to get caught under my feet or my partner’s high heels.

  A rope body harness, or karada, is beautiful both in and out of bed.

  Facing Page: Multiple line rope suspension creates a more comfortable experience.

  Take the time to set up all the things you need for a scene ahead of time.

  Whether it is a stage performance or a private experience in the bedroom, playing with rope is sexy and fun, but there are definitely some safety points you should be aware of. Tripping hazards are definitely one of them. Ever have a cat in the same room as you tried to tie up your partner? Try it and see what happens; that is an interesting extra variable that you don’t anticipate initially. Don’t rush, make the scene fun and playful and take your time. We don’t want to get so tangled up that we trip and fall. One thing I see happen with people new to rope bondage is “whip eye”—where you are so excited and moving so quickly that you pull the rope through a chest harness too fast and the end whips out when you pull it and flicks the bottom in the face. That is annoying at best and can damage his or her eye at worst. Slow it down or seductively put your hand up as a shield as you pull the rope free.

  Have your partner move when you tell him to move: standing, sitting or lying down? A nice soft bed is much easier to play on and more forgiving than a hard wooden stage in an underground club. The body has many pressure points and tying knots over top of them will cause a lot of discomfort. Let’s keep the knots over the meaty parts of the body—like the tummy or chest or on the forearms and legs. I won’t tie a rope over the top of a joint on someone’s body because there are too many exposed nerves and there isn’t much meat over those areas. You should always have a pair of safety shears nearby in case your partner needs to be cut out. If you are going to use hemp rope for bondage where the submissive will be wet, for instance if you plan on hosing him down in the shower, be aware that the hemp will swell the knots shut and constrict his body as it tightens the wetter it gets. If you don’t have a pair of pliers or a very strong marlin spike to untie your play partner, you will be cutting your rope to get him out. I always recommend that if the rope is going to get wet, be sure to use a nylon-based rope, which will not swell when soaked.

  One last issue I want to mention is something I teach rope players how to avoid in my hog-tie class—positional asphyxia. This has sometimes been the cause of death in suspects arrested by the police and put into a hog-tie position with their legs up and their hands cuffed behind their back while lying on a hard surface. Hog-ties are fun: I love them, you love them, and we want to keep playing with them, so pay attention to the surface that the rope bottom will be lying on. On a hard surface the person’s diaphragm will have a hard time working after about fifteen minutes. I recommend that people play with hog-ties on a nice soft bed or couch or a whole bunch of pillows. If the bottom’s breathing becomes labored (and you will know since you the Top and are monitoring her closely) roll her onto her side. It will save both of you a situation that can quickly go from wonderful to “oh, shit!”

  1 First step – pick up one end and run the rope through your hands as you gather it in loose coils… 2 then drop the bundle on the ground and find the two ends and bring them together. 3 Hold the two ends together by pinching your thumb over them in the palm of your hand. 4 You are going to form what is known as a ‘butterfly coil.” You lay the rope back and forth across your hand in nice easy to manage loops that are evenly spaced. 5 Note that you aren’t winding the rope around anything, just laying it back and forth across your palm.

  6 Keep going until you have about almost all the rope laid in your hand and have about a 3’ tail left. 7 Now carefully grip your rope bundle and turn your hand over. The rope should fold on itself and hang from its middle now. 8 Now grab that bundle by its middle and let go with your other hand. 9 Take the 3’ tail and start winding it around the b
undle nice and tight. 10 Let the winding start at the bottom and move towards the top.

  11 Lay them nice and flat, don’t cross over the wraps. 12 Here is the tricky part. When you have about 1 foot left, make one last wrap around and go over your outstretched finger… 13 then fold that last foot of rope in half… 14 and stick the middle part of it through that loop you just made with your outstretched finger. 15 Once it is through halfway, start to tighten the whole set of wraps without pulling it all the way through. This is so you can just pull on the end of the loop and the whole bundle will come undone without any tangles. 16 Voila! Just like this, a nice tight bundle that is easily stored in your toy bag and will be ready when you need it.

  Outdoor bondage in a private area is exciting and liberating.

  Places Not to Put Your Rope

  The neck

  Over the joints, particularly the notch of the elbow

  Nose and mouth

  Armpits

  Diaphragm (this one is debatable; make sure if there is a tie here it is not a constricting tie).

  I’ll say it again: play should be fun, but safety should be serious. If you are getting into rope bondage, I urge you to take some hands-on classes. The rope bondage scene has expanded immensely over the years and there are some really interesting and amazing things happening as it grows in the U.S. and around the world. There is no substitute for hands-on learning from those who are more experienced. Go out, buy some of the books that focus on bondage and safety, and then get some hands-on time and have fun.

  An old-fashioned quickie really perks up an afternoon. Leave your panties in his pocket after you send him back to work.

  Heat Me Up, Baby: Hot Wax

  Hot wax for kinky fun is a classic icon—in a steamy Hollywood sex scene you inevitably see a dripping candle being used by the temptress to turn on and slowly torment the lover who is tied to the bed. What makes hot wax so special is, well, it’s hot—hot and steamy and also hot to the touch. Watching your lover squirm under your administrations, hearing her breath sucked sharply between her teeth as each drip meets her skin in a pinprick of heat, coating her nipples and tracing an arch down over her belly, closer and closer teasingly to her privates, is something you really have to experience firsthand. Done right it can be an immense turn on; if done wrong it can burn very badly. Many people use a Crock-Pot with wax melting in it for wax play; I’m going to concentrate here on candles since they are the easiest and most available on a Friday night when you are running around picking up supplies for your night of debauchery.

  There are a number of different types of wax with differing melting temperatures. It is important to know each one to ensure your submissive’s safety when playing with wax—there’s nothing sexy about a bad burn.

  Type of Wax

  Melting Point Range (°F)

  Religious candles in glass jars (low-temperature wax)

  125-132 degrees

  Paraffin

  124-145 degrees

  Pillar candle

  135-141 degrees

  Beeswax candle

  140-160 degrees

  No-drip, plastic-coated and anything with glitter in it

  Too hot

  Tell your partner what really turns you on and explore together. If you want to be spanked till you are red and raw, let him/her know!

  As you can see the glass jar candles that you typically find in religious stores have a much lower melting point and are safer than a beeswax candle, which is at the upper end of the spectrum. The added bonus of the glass jar candles is that they are cool enough to hold in your hand, provided you keep your hand on the body of the votive, below where the candle is burning. I don’t use beeswax candles for play since they burn too hot for my liking and I want to be able to continue a scene without having to tend to a second-degree burn on my partner that puts an end to playtime for the weekend. From my own research, the color of the candles doesn’t appear to affect the temperature of the wax’s melting point, however different scents will raise the melting point approx five degrees. I like the contrast of a nice fresh vanilla scent filling the air while I’m doing some terribly delicious things to my partner, and I adjust my delivery to accommodate the higher temperature. As with everything in kinky sex, use your best judgment.

  Typically we use two different types of candles—a tapered or a votive.

  Pros of the tapered candle:

  The wax doesn’t have an area to pool so it burns hotter.

  It gives you greater control at dripping only a little bit at a time.

  Pros of the votive candle:

  The pooling wax is held at a slightly lower temperature than with the taper.

  It gives you more wax to drip in a line down your lover’s body.

  So you have your candles and you are ready to turn your submissive into a wax-coated sex puppy, begging and pleading simultaneously for you to stop and give him more. How do we get there? The first thing you need to do is take a little time to test it out on yourself before your play partner even comes over. Typically you can light the candle and drip some wax on yourself from approximately the distance you will have him or her from you. This could be as close as dripping it onto your forearm or onto the top of your foot. Everyone’s pain tolerance is slightly different, but this will give you a ballpark idea. Areas that will be more sensitive to the hot wax and you should proceed with more caution are:

  Facing Page: Neon hot wax candles become really vibrant under black light.

  That’s a good little pet.

  Hot wax play with fluorescent candles under a black light looks spectacular.

  Inner thighs

  Genitals

  Nipples

  That sexy part where the hip and belly meet.

  Get your partner naked. Wax on cotton clothing will ruin it and wax on polyester lingerie will ruin the person underneath by melting it to his or her skin. Smooth some baby oil across her body as a way to make for easier removal. The baby oil will stop the wax from sticking as firmly to the skin and to body hair. Having to peel your partner like a banana will pretty much kill the mood if the wax is stuck in her hair and needs to be tugged off. Warm up your partner by starting in a less sensitive area like the shoulders or back and then move toward the more sensitive areas. Take your time, build up the layers and create your own human sculpture with him at the epicenter of the sexual safari. Layering creates a conflicting sensation—on one hand it offers a shield against the initial stinging drips, but the layering also builds up the heat across the area. This isn’t a big problem, just another area you want to monitor and if it is becoming too hot for the submissive, introduce some ice cubes to the area to give him a new sensation and to also cool him down. This push and pull of sensations between fire and ice will keep her squirming nicely through your scene. Don’t forget to put an old blanket down before you start playing with hot wax. I have one in my home that I use for wax play specifically—one I don’t mind that I will never get it clean. It is softer than a tarp and while the slave is writhing on the floor, it gives her more padding underneath to squirm around on.

  When you peel the wax off, make it slow and sensual, it feels better that way.

  When dripping wax onto your slave, you can control the temperature at which it hits the submissive by two ways: height and degree of tilt. Dropping it from a height of five feet down onto them on the floor gives the drop a marginal time to cool before it hits them. The other way that I find is more successful comes from a friend of mine named Spectrum, who wrote The Hot Wax and Temperature Play Toy Bag Book a few years ago. His method is to tilt the candle 10 degrees so the wax drips down the side approx an inch before dropping down onto your partner. This will help cool it to a tolerable temperature. The longer the drip down the side, the more it can cool. If the wax gets too hot or uncomfortable, have a cold wet towel lying in the bathtub nearby to lay across them if they need to be cooled down immediately. Speak to them in calm reassuring tones. You don’t need
a fire extinguisher, but remember—safety is your responsibility and you need to set the pace that is manageable by you. Don’t rush into the scene no matter how horny you are. Take your time; slow is easier to manage, rather than having to solve a lot of problems because you rushed and you now have an upset and burned submissive on your hands.

  Use lots of lube for anal sex and warm up by stroking the outer anus slowly and taking your time. Try a DP (double penetration) with toys for an intense orgasm.